Growing up as a little kid in Syria in the 80's, I've heard many stories about that country. Good stories. It's the country where people are treated nicely, and where people who work hard, make a lot of money, and live a good life. It's the country with the best colleges, and best cheeseburgers.
I was fascinated by the USA for the longest time, I had a dream that one day I'll visit that country, and perhaps live in it.
I watched American TV shows and movies, I listened to American music, and I learned English way before most kids in Syria do.
Listening to Backstreet boys, and watching Friends were the highlight of my day in the mid 90's.
And then I started growing up, and learning more about the world, including my country, Syria, and the USA, and that only made me like America more.
And one day, while my family and I were on vacation, something happened. Something big and terrifying. It was 9/11.
I remember that day very clearly. The TV in the vacation home wasn't working, and cellphones weren't a thing yet, nor the internet.
I remember going to a shop to call my brother who stayed behind so we know what was happening.
We were all shocked, and sad. News kept coming, and we didn't know what to make of it.
I couldn't understand what exactly happened until we got back home. That's when I realized the world won't be the same again.
People started talking, they were afraid that their Muslim relatives and friends in the USA will be harmed, and we kept hearing stories about Muslims being harassed and called names.
That was the first time in my life I wasn't sure if I wanted to visit the USA anymore.
Then came the Iraqi "freedom" war, which we all didn't believe that's going to happen. And that's when we saw the hatred that we didn't know existed.
The killing and torture of Iraqis, the hateful and bigoted things that's been said.
I started being scared. They were right next to my country, and people were saying that Syria was next.
Skipping few years, I was not scared anymore. I knew that most people in the USA aren't bigots, and that the few bad ones tend to be the loudest.
I became friends with many Americans, mostly Nine Inch Nails fans. And they were some of the best people on Earth.
Once again, I started hoping to visit the USA, and meet my online friends, as I was very close to some of them.
When the Arab spring started, those American friends were unbelievably nice and supportive. And between 2011-2013 I've made so many more online friends from the USA, even though most of them didn't know my real name since I was just "BigAlBrand" to them. Only a very few special people knew my name. I could count them on one hand.
When things turned really bad in 2012, I started losing hope in Syria, and started thinking about leaving. I didn't, because I still had enough hope, but the thought was in my head for a long time.
After my time in Assad's torture center in 2013, I knew I couldn't stay in Syria long, and at a certain point after arriving to Turkey, I seriously tried to go to the USA. I won't write details here, but things didn't work out.
During my time in Turkey, and especially since Trump vs Hillary started, the amount of hateful comments towards Syrians and especially the refugees, and Muslims in general, skyrocketed, and most of them were from US citizens. And yes, most of them were Trump supporters.
Trump said some really bad things, but I won't get into that. I'll just say that what he said about people like me, Syrian refugees, was not nice or truthful.
We're trying to survive a war between many sides, and all of them are bad.
Assad vs ISIS vs Al Nusra vs American backed Kurdish militia etc.
Russian jets bombing anyone who isn't Assad, USA jets bombing ISIS and Nusra, and a bunch of other jets bombing other things, and above all, Assad's jets bombing everything.
All the hateful things that were told to me and any Syrian or Muslim, all the horrible names I was called. I can actually post since screenshots that I kept.
So much hatred!
But still, that's not what most Americans think! These are just a bunch of ignorant racist bigots, and they are just loud.
That's what I believed.
But now, I don't know what to believe.
Trump won.
Those unbelievable hateful people got the man they adore to become president.
Does that mean that the majority of the USA are hateful bigots?
I don't want to believe that.
I can't believe that.
I'll keep my faith in people, and I'll convince myself that the majority just didn't care to vote, or that those who voted were scared of Hillary and believed all that's been said about her and that's why they picked Trump.
They truly believed he's the lesser evil.
I still love my American friends, and I'll still hope to one day visit the USA and see its beauty, but perhaps now isn't the time to do so.
Perhaps in few more years I won't feel hated as much, just because I was born in Syria, and because I'm a Muslim.
But for now, I'll stay away, and wish the USA and its people well, and a better tomorrow.
